The language of DOMINATION: a glossary

A is for Andy Irvine

ABWOHL – assessment based on watching the occasional highlights reel
Agent Orange (AO) – Gavin Henson

All Blacks – boring, faux-humble, full of themselves sub-Australians. Only good at rugby because they don’t have decent internet connections

Ance Larmstrong – drug-addled cyclist, cock

AoD – this website, the Art of DOMINATION

Assimilation – style of play developed by the Borg (see below)

ATL – above the line; main article

Auckland Blues – see Ospreys

Aul han – Ulster Scots for “friend”, presumably derived from “old hand”, often used as a greeting

Aul hanning – use as many words as possible to comprehensively disagree with a point someone else has made, typified by lengthy explanations of why one thinks every minute detail is incorrect, illustrating every perceived irrational wrong turn; (NB. meaning alters in a Sarah Palin context)

Average Foreign Journeyman (AFJ) – Jonathan Sexton

B Is For Broon Frae Troon

Baldylogic™ – process whereby a fixed conclusion is reached in the shortest possible distance, unconstrained by Facts and Reality™ (see below) and valid reasoning; typically formulated to cause maximum offense, especially to Welsh people

The BIG BRAND – our benevolent host

Borg – Saracens RFC

Brexit – Interminably dull non-rugby topic

BTL – below the line; comments and the commentariat

BT Sport – without them, there is no future for professional rugby. All hail the broadcasting kings

C Is For Craig Chalmers

“Can prop both sides” – subtle insult meaning “crap at everything”

Canard a l’ – Gavin Henson, while briefly playing in France
Carlin Isles – Failed sprinter, now a member of the USA 7z squad. Not a proper rugby player, but an exceptional athlete
Chicago – capital city of Ireland
CJPJN – Jack Nowell CJPKB – Kieran Brookes These are just some of the players that CJ rates highly. All other English pro players being the rest
Cockodile Dundee – Danny Cipriani, while playing in Australia
Colostomy Ron – 2013 Six Nations edition Ronads (see below)
Comic Book Guy – Toulon moneyman Mourad Boudjellal. He’s got all the skrilla/gold/scratch/dolla/spondulicks/pasta/pognon
Michael/Bernard/Roger/Steve Lawes – Courtney Lawes

D Is For David Sole
Dave from Swindon (DfS) – an utter, utter c*nt
DBWR – Dublin-based World Rugby aka World Rugby, formerly the IRB (Irish International Rugby Board). Blazer wearing men who run the game. Often make heavily biased decisions in favour of Irish rugby. They once famously allowed Paul O’Connell to carry a bazooka on to the pitch. Other notable examples include phoning Pascal Pape while he was training to give a statement — for a disciplinary case in which he was the victim — in a language he’s not fluent in (actually true)
DOMINATION – things going pretty well
F Is For Finn The Fool
Facts and Reality™ (F&R) – as billed, The Way Things Are™, doomed to forever be out of reach for AoD
Faded Glory – The Kingdom of Leinster was once a mighty place. They had it all: copious stores of Tayto’s crisps, the brave knight Brad Thorn, King Brian of Driscoll and many wonderful, fearless foot soldiers like Johnny Sexton, Jamie Heaslip, Cian Healey, Leo Cullen, Sean O’Brien and, perhaps bravest of all, Peak Kearney. All was good in the kingdom. Then, those rotten French and English robbed the banks of Canal+ and BT Sport. Soon, Leinster’s glory began to fade until all they were left with was Ron Kearney
The FEAR – what happens when one’s sanguinity in fandom is challenged ahead of a fixture, tends to increase as kick off approaches
Fetcher – see Proper 7
G Is For Gav – May He Burn In Hell For 1991 – I Could Have Made That
(Game) Gethsemane – (game) management, esp. rugby
Gatlandball – high-tempo bosh bosh bosh, typically using the width of the pitch, soon to be seen on a Lions tour near you (if you live in the South Pacific)
Giant Lancaster – an insult, an argument, a large poo, an erection; anything whatsoever except Stuart Lancaster
Grauniad (The Graun) – The Guardian, a UK newspaper that used to be good
The GUN SHOW – our benevolent host
GUNS – muscles, esp. biceps, esp. large
H Is For Henry Healy’s – Tunnock’s Broken Biscuit Vendors Of Yore
The HASK – our benevolent host
Hook (and variants of) – genius flaky Welsh fly half. Variants include O’Hook (Ireland’s Ian Madigan), McHook (any Scottish outside half minus the genius bit), Deluxe Hook (New Zealand’s Beauden Barrett) and L’Hook (France’s Francois Trinh Huc Duc)
HOPE – meaningless succour for the intellectually barren
HOPEFEAR – agonising pendular torture of being both mildly optimistic and deeply, darkly, dippily gloomy about your side’s prospects in an upcoming fixture. See also HOPE, FEAR
I & J Are For Ian McGeechan And Jim Telfer
Irish Lucan – Jamie Heaslip (see Lord Lucan)
Jizzbucket – George North
Jose Maria Nunez Piossek  — once scored 9 tries in a match
Racist Joe – Joe Marler
K Is For Killer Bees
Karl – textual ejaculation signifying the poster has spotted, however far fetched, some form of double entendre
Killer’s Kool Kall-out (KKK) – wager on a rugby match; typically involves two people, with the loser(s) ceding control of their avatar for a week following the game as forfeit, while the choice-making winner(s) indulges in the gentle pleasure of humiliating another person just because they can
L Is For Laidlaw – No, The Other One
Ladz – Get behind the ladz
Legend – for this to have its full effect, it should be prefaced by ‘Cardiff.’ Can apply to anyone with the most tenuous link to Cardiff Blues, Cardiff RFC or the city of Cardiff, e.g. Northern Irish Cardiff-born BTL contributor Larry ‘Lazza’ Milne – Cardiff legend.
(Lord) Lucan – when the heat comes on, this fella vanishes: Nick Easter
Lunatic Fringe – that part of a given group of people (most typically a nation) who spout bollocks with no adherence to F&R™; members are frequently nationalistic Daves from Swindon (see above) whose only communication is “my country’s the best because I was born there” said in a million variations; the majority of people
M Is For Bill McLaren
The Man in Argentina – ¿donde esta, Juan Martin?
MotM – Man Maro of the Match
N Is For Nel And Immigration And Labour Movemoent
Nailed On – Jonathan Sexton
Not Eddie Butler – modern day broadcaster Jesus who turns wine into words
O Is For Officer Material – Rob Wainwright
OBO – Our Benevolent Overlord. See also: The BIG BRAND, The GUNSHOW, The HASK, The WARRIOR POET
On the 12 – high; on drugs, legal or otherwise, recreational or performance
The Ospreys (O’s or Os) – the Jonahs of rugby betting, whether for money or SuperBro (see below) pride, destined to achieve results based on maximal punter disappointment
P Is For Pountney
Peak Kearney: Species thought to be extinct; However one sighting in Chicago 2016
Pooper Scooper – Super Rugby
Pro 12 – cross-border competition consisting of 14 teams
Proper 7 – made up term for a type of player who barely (doesn’t) exist(s); say it three times in front of a mirror and Larry will appear and put your genitalia in a jam jar
R Is For Rutherford
Ronads – Ronan O’Gara
A Robshaw – unit of distance measurement, equivalent to roughly 18cm
Ron Kearney – Irish fullback, Ron Kearney
Ruaridh Jackson – Scottish international and Wasps outside half
S Is For Stanger
Shitloaf – Sam Warburton
Silk – Ulster Scots term meaning Quade Cooper, appreciated only be those with sufficient wit
Sky Sports – 2nd rate broadcasters of sports
Small-Faced Chaos Machine – Richie Gray
Small Face Theory of Quality – Modern academic view, first suggested and subsequently largely developed by Norsked, that a rugby player’s ability is inversely proportional to his face:head size ratio
S’SB’B – Steve ‘Stephen Borthwick’ Borthwick, former England captain and loquacious raconteur
Sumo – AoD’s number 2 sport
SuperBro – the SuperBru prediction league, former SportGuru, in which we who wax so wise about the fine game of rugby union prove definitively that we know fuck all
T Is For Toonie
The WARRIOR POET – our benevolent host
Throbshaw – Chris Robshaw, England captain
TLS – faking it
U Is For Unjust
Underdogging – playing down your team’s chances, frequently a symptom of FEAR or HOPEFEAR
W Is For Weir – The Tall One
“We need a Proper 7” – cry for help from a broken mind; communication from a subconscious meaning “please release me from this idiot”; rugby bluffers’ cliché
Welsh Lunatic Fringe (WLF) – see Lunatic Fringe, this lot are the Welsh chapter (disproportionately represented on the Graun’s rugby BTL)
1990 Is For Everyone!
7z – shortened form of the game. Not proper rugby
40 metre/yard spring times – “And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.”
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